One Small Choice
by Raiyenchan
Summary: Omi keeps dreaming about a better life. Will he ever have that 'better life' or will memories of Reiji Takatori keep him from living his dreams?


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Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz, but I might someday if my plan to seduce Koyasu ever works. ^_~ Until then, it's his in accordance with Project Weiss. Now this is the third fic I've based on an Audiovent song, so I wanna give the group better props than I have been. Their CD Dirty Sexy Knights in Paris is truly incredible and I highly recommend it. (A side note: if you know the song One Small Choice fairly well, you may be able to notice that I used the group's intonations during each part to help me decide the magnitude of each story sequence – hearing the song isn't necessary but could heighten the drama of this story.)

As for the fic itself, I don't know where I'd put this in the story, a custom of mine I suppose. ^_^;;; There are **spoilers** everywhere as well as **imagined rape, torture, and death scenes, yaoi and citrus fruit warnings, and some nasty language.** At least I've added some random humor to help the more sensitive get through this. ^_~

I want to thank my Ken-incarnate, LingLKS, for all her ideas – this time you really were a **big** help! The appreciation is beyond my words. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!

And two other credits – the song Ken is singing is Smash by The Offspring (Ken's unofficial favorite song by his unofficial favorite group – he's no trendy asshole!) and the last two lines of the story are direct quotes from episode 5 originally said by Yuriko and Ken (giving them a bit of an extra emphasis if you know what I mean. ^_^). Whew, I think I'm done now.

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So please enjoy and then review for me! Raiyen is looking for story ideas as of 10-18-03 – if you have any requests, feel free to contact her. No guarantees.

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Sometimes

I wonder how it all would be

If only one thing happened differently

"Irashaimase!"

"Omi-kun! Omi-kun! Let **me** help!"

"Youjiiii! Kawaii!

"Aya-san?"

"If you're not buying anything, get out."

"Arigato gozaimasu, Kenken!"

"Haha! No problem. Come again!"

I smile despite myself. It's a normal day at the Koneko flower shop. The hustle and bustle is affecting each of us, its workers, in different ways. I suppose it all has to do with our individual personalities.

Aya-kun always seems most grumpy while in the shop. He refuses to deal with any visitors who aren't there to seriously buy. That basically means that Aya-kun refuses to deal with **anyone** who comes in.

Youji-kun remains (sadly) unaffected by "working," probably because he isn't working. The exact opposite of Aya-kun, Youji-kun is just as interested in selling as the shoppers are in buying. He's courting a woman as I speak. Typical.

Ken-kun… Ken-kun's perfect in the shop. (Hell, he's perfect everywhere!) He does his part (and Youji-kun's) and always greets our visitors with genuine smiles. Ken-kun's sales are higher than Aya-kun's, Youji-kun's and my own combined. And most of those buyers had no intention of buying anything when they came in.

I sympathize with them. I had no intention of 'buying anything' either, but now I'm consumed by 'saving up enough' to get something from Ken-kun too.

I'm not talking about flowers either, although an unrequited red rose might summarize the whole scenario. For the dense (sorry but I live with people like that) I love him.

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And time will tell what will become of us

Ken-kun had joined Weiss in its very beginning stages.

Weiss you ask? Well, that's complicated. The Koneko is a cover for our real job: assassinating criminals who can't be brought to justice in court. I rather fancy the job; I feel like I'm doing something important for society.

So I kill people? Yes. Do I dwell on it? …

Yes. I am just as aware as you are that killing isn't exactly a good thing. I do realize that my targets probably have families and lives beyond their criminal lives. I even sometimes think that they might even have a good trait or two somewhere inside. That's why I sometimes wonder…

…how would it have been if…?

…what if **he**…?

…what if **they**…?

…what if **I**…?

…what if **those**…?

…what if one thing had been different? Just one thing?

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One small choice

I'm so happy! I come bounding out of school with a huge smile and bright eyes. The clouds in the west that are casting ominous shadows and a potential of rain do not phase me. I've been looking forward to this day for weeks!

And tousan had said that we'd go even if it rains, just as long as the festival wasn't cancelled altogether. It hasn't been cancelled.

I'm to meet tousan at the police station where his office is; he's the police commissioner after all. 

I love my tousan. He's popular and important but always takes time for me. He makes it known that he'll never get over what happened when I was younger, hence his constant attention. Supposedly I had some sort of accident when I was younger that erased my memory. Tousan was deeply scarred by it. He says that he wants to love me twice as much so that I can feel what memory had deprived me of. I love him twice as much for trying so hard. Someday I'll grow up and pay him back for everything he does for me now.

I rush up the front stairs of the station. Tousan's private investigators are just leaving as I enter.

"Oh! Omi-kun, konnichiwa!"

"Konnichiwa Asuka-san! Youji-san!"

"Have a good time at the festival tonight, kiddo."

"Arigato Youji-san!"

"Omi-kun! Help me convince Youji to take me to the festival too! He's been obnoxious about it all day!"

"Hahaha! Youji-san…"

"Ack! You're **all** ganging up on me!"

"Just give in all ready, Youji-kun."

"You'll have a great time, Youji-san, I'm sure."

"Ugh! Oh all right, we'll go."

"Yatta! Arigato Omi-kun!"

I take leave of them, still bantering in their usual way, and start heading towards tousan's office. I receive tons of greetings, as I know everyone here and vice versa. I finally reach tousan's office after innumerable stops to converse with personnel. Tousan gets up and hugs me tight. He jokes that someday I'll shy away from his hugs, but I never will. I can't stand the thought of being deprived of the feeling of love, warmth, and security I feel in my tousan's embrace.

He asks me all about my day as he packs up his things. He knows everything about me and I hide nothing from him. He remembers what I had for lunch yesterday (and the day before) and asks what I had today. I take my tousan to school with me; he doesn't miss a thing.

I'm wound up tighter than a toy racecar as we drive to the festival. The rain clouds are definitely heading in our direction, but we don't care. We'll be wet together.

A girl about my age, or maybe a year older, slides in beside me at a table, her smile matching the size of mine as she's thoroughly enjoying herself.

"What's the occasion?"

"It's my sixteenth birthday! My brother's taken me here to celebrate."

"Happy birthday!"

"Arigato gozaimasu! What's your name?"

"Takatori Omi desu ka."

"I'm Fujimiya Aya. It's nice to meet you Omi!"

Aya and I spend some time together at the festival. She introduces me to her brother, who looks nothing like her, but certainly shares her spirit. With one exception anyway: he's an absolute pushover to her will. I find it very amusing. I laughingly tell them how much I appreciate being an only child and introduce my tousan. Aya's brother eventually gets antsy between the late time and the approaching storm and tries to get her to leave. She makes plans with me to meet me sometime during the next week before going home. I've made a new friend. Tousan congratulates my luck.

My luck has only just begun.

Tousan tells me that he'd met Asuka-san and Youji-san while I was talking to Aya-chan. That makes me happy. He also mentions seeing something that he thought I'd enjoy.

He leads me to an open area on the outskirts of the festival. There was a boy, taller than I with dark brown hair and blazing teal eyes. I could identify him as a professional J-League soccer player by his uniform. Wait… a **professional soccer player**? Here? I love J-League soccer!

He's showing off to a group of young children. He's amazing! I catch his number finally: 1, Hidaka Ken. Sugoi! I must've squeaked; tousan snickers at me and gives me a nudge forward. What a night!

Tousan disappears completely, but I'm a little too preoccupied with the incredibly handsome, rather famous man before me. Hidaka notices and grins at me winningly. He shoots at and scores my heart. The kids disperse and Hidaka starts coming towards **me**. I squeak again.

"Hey."

"H-hi!"

"Haha! Don't be so flustered. You like soccer?"

"Flustered? …Sorry… but **you're** Hidaka Ken!"

"Yep. What's you're name?"

"Takatori Omi desu ka."

"Nice to meet ya!"

"It's **my** pleasure."

"Haha! Great festival, ne Omi?"

"Hai! It's wonderful."

"Ha. Hey, let's take a look around together."

"Oo-okay!"

As the evening progresses I get increasingly more comfortable with Ken. I'm enjoying his company for who he is and not what he is. And when his lips touch mine at the end of the night, I completely forget all details but this: I'd found my one true love. He kisses me and kisses me all night long, lost in a newly blooming love, both of us submitting to the growing passion between us.

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Just one small choice

I shoot the man with the heady feeling of great power. I lust over power, especially the type of power that gods have: the ability to control who lives and who dies. That's why we got into Eszette in the first place.

I'm hunting with Hirofumi-niisan. It's our weekly custom. We entertain ourselves as well as tousan's supporters that way. This week we added girls to the game list to appease one of them. He was pleased, so tousan would be pleased. I'd sink to any level to please tousan, and so would my idol, Hirofumi-niisan.

He gives me a high five to congratulate my kill. The others compliment how splendidly I was growing up. I smile politely and tell them that my tousan is a wonderful man, which is why I am the way I am. Hirofumi-niisan beams at me. I love weekends.

My family is very good to me. My tousan is running for Prime Minister; he's a very prominent politician. Hirofumi-niisan is his closest assistant. My other niisan, Masafumi-kun, is a renowned scientist and professor, as well as the president of a pharmaceutical company; he's working on perfecting a formula for immortality, but that's secret information. And I, the baby, can do whatever I want, as long as it brings prestige to my tousan's name. 

And if hunting humans brings prestige to my tousan's name, that doesn't limit my choices one bit. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking of reorganizing the Creepers gang, fronted by Asia Construction Co. when I get a bit older. It'll be a tribute to my dear friend Koichirou Kase, who'd been aiming for the top of Creepers just before his mysterious death. I'll avenge Kase and make tousan proud of me, more so than he already is anyway.

I'm perfectly happy at home, even without my kaasan. She died when I was really little. Tousan doesn't talk about it much… He really is a great parent. I'm spoiled rotten and I love it. I put my total trust in him, Hirofumi-niisan and Masafumi-kun.

Hirofumi-niisan and I are laughing merrily when the first scream rings. Er, the first **familiar** scream that is.

"Tell me that wasn't Kondo Hiroshi-san."

"I believe it was, niisan."

"Get back to the clubhouse and stay there, okay Mamoru? Open the doors for me or the others, but no one else."

"Understood… be careful, niisan."

"I will, but I'm more concerned about you, Mamoru."

"The others are more important than me."

"No they're not, but I understand what you're saying. Just hurry back."

"Hai!"

I run back to the clubhouse and, once inside, shut all the windows and lock all the doors. I wait for the political influences or for niisan to come back. The gun in my hands is cocked and ready… just in case.

Three people in suspect outfits arrive in the clearing, wielding bloodied weapons.

"Niisan…" I'm horrified of the possibilities. I aim the gun at the viscious-looking red-head through the window and, with a hunter's precision, I shoot. The man falls, instantly dead. The other two look at me, now sharing my horror. I grow angry at this, giving me a continued upperhand. I shoot the tall blonde one in their moment of hesitation. The final one standing now glares at me with a similar hatred that I have for him. He lunges at the window, blades suddenly springing from his glove.

Oh! Shit!

I jump back from the window, as the insane brunette plows through the glass. Fearing for my life affects my usually steady hand for shooting. The man keeps coming at me with his extended claws. Luckily I know this mansion's interior well, having spent a fair amount of my life in it. I dodge him continually, too scared to do much of anything else.

"Takatori Mamoru, shi'ne!"

I can't keep away from him long enough to aim. I'll have to wing it… maybe get him in the leg to still him for a minute. Where would be a good place?

The stairs!

I back up and take a large risk in turning and darting up the stairs, my small build working to my advantage for once. I take a larger risk in flipping the gun upside down, resting the barrel on my hip and shooting down the stairs without looking.

A thud and then loud bumping noises accompanied by a rather high-pitched howl notifies me of my success. I turn at the top of the staircase to look down on my attacker-turned-victim. His head is cracked wide open, blood oozing all over the wooden floor. He can't possibly be alive, but I shoot him with more satisfying accuracy for good measure (several times might I add.) For Hirofumi-niisan. And Kase-kun.

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And what if I had never decided this?

I don't know **who** I am. I don't know **why** I am or even **how**. What I do know I am is what I don't want to be; I slink away from the freshly dead body, my first kill. I'm a murderer.

They told me he was a criminal. I don't see how that matters; what about jail? They told me justice couldn't be served. I don't understand; isn't that what judicial rights are made for? They told me I was doing something good. I don't believe them; I feel awful! What have I done? I've let them corrupt me.

I don't know who I am. All I remember of my life is these **people**. I hate them!

I huddle in the corner of the room, watching the blood slowly crawl across the floor, its riverlets beetle-racing toward me, coming to stain me rotten and baptize me in innocent blood. Criminal, whatever! He was a human being!

I cry, whimper and whine willing it all to go away. They told me to leave as soon as my crime was done, but I'm sick of being obedient to **them**. If I go back they'll make me do this again to somebody else and before I know it they'll send some other brainless kid after me telling him that **I'm** a criminal and deserve to die.

I do not deserve to die, even now. But I do not long for life. For that logical and fair reason alone, I will commit only one more crime, and not for **them**.

I don't know who I am or what my real name is. Or who my parents are or how old I am. I'm nothing more than a lost child with a made-up identity and a newly corrupted state of mine. My world is nothing and I want not to live this way. II choose to die. And with the weapon in my hands I will make it a final decision.

Goodnight. **Twang.**

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Would I be here?

I've been dealing with some really odd dreams lately. It's really not all that unusual for me to go through this; it happens fairly regularly actually. I'm satisfied with my life for the most part, but I'm human too and still fairly young; I can dream. I'll never give up that ability. 

Today is cleaning day at home; it's a Sunday with no mission and the Koneko is closed. Today is a day I feel as close to normal as can be, living simply in a dorm with my best friends, laughing, playing music and conversing.

Aya-kun's sweeping in the hall as Youji-kun and I converse and Ken-kun hums to his music. I think he's smiling. He must feel the overwhelming sense of it all too.

Although Youji-kun isn't doing much of anything useful, I forgive him today. We talk about all sorts of things while I work; when he's not being a pervert Youji-kun is wonderful to talk to. I think Aya-kun's smile widens some as our conversation continues around him.

Ken-kun grins randomly and pauses to fiddle with his discman. A few seconds later he's singing, "I'm not a trendy ass-hole." Aya-kun makes a coughing noise in the hallway and quickly goes upstairs, hand covering his mouth. The score is currently Ken-kun: 7, Aya-kun: 0 in this area. You see, Aya-kun does laugh when we're all together at home sometimes, he just doesn't think we notice. Well, the others **don't** notice from what I can tell and I'd never embarrass Aya-kun to tell him otherwise. 

Youji-kun catches me staring at Ken-kun, not for the first time. Also not for the first time, I divert my attention quickly away from the object of my affection and back on scrubbing, the object of my affliction.

Youji-kun calls for Ken-kun's attention and my stomach leaps in fright. If Youji-kun says one word to Ken-kun about this…

"Omi, stop sweating. He can't hear a damn thing over his music."

"…"

"I called him to make sure of that, not to rat you out, y'know,"

"…Oh."

"So, you like Kenken, huh?"

"Please don't talk so loud, Youji-kun!"

"I'm telling you he can't hear us."

"What about Aya-kun…?"

"Like Aya cares?"

"…"

"Look, Omi, I'm just trying to help you out here."

"Youji-kun… um, you specialize in women."

"I specialize in **love**."

"…I'm not interested in Ken-kun for **that**, Youji-kun."

"**I'm** not always a pervert."

"Touché…"

"Jeez."

"Gomen ne, Youji-kun."

"Arigato… Now, have you told him yet?"

"Of course not."

"Damn straight of course not! You wouldn't be pining away with the Pine Sol if you had!"

"…"

"Omi, you'll drive yourself bananas if you keep it to yourself."

"What if he's totally disgusted by me? If it disrupts or teamwork in Weiss someone could get killed. The team comes first."

"Rules are made to be broken, Omittchi…"

"Youji-kun?"

"We've all had our moments where we put our own wants before Weiss. Kritiker can't say anything about it because if they do the dogs are bound to bite the master eventually, you get?"

"I've already taken my share of liberties."

"When?! Omi, in my observation you haven't broken code once!"

Yes I have. I do it in my dreams. I've killed myself and all of the others so many times. I betray Weiss everyday, every hour. I even go so far as to wish it never existed sometimes. Who am I to put myself before others?

__

Or be gone?

"Your parents betrayed you."

"You weren't worth it."

I've been kidnapped. I'm tied up in a dark room and very, very scared. The evil shadows looming over me had just been talking to my tousan on the phone. I guess… he didn't want me anymore. 

My life is over and it hasn't even really begun. I'm exiting-stage-left in the most viscous way possible. I guess I must've been a bad boy. Maybe if I hadn't spilled my milk at dinner last night tousan would come to save me. I'm so sorry, tousan. Please come save me. I want you to save me.

"Let's have some fun with him."

Okay, I'd take death over **this** for sure. Kaasan had always told me that not wearing my clothes was bad. She also told me not to let a stranger touch me **down there**. I guess I'm being extra bad then. Tousan will never come save me now.

My stomach knots and I start crying, feeling a deep sense of loss that I really don't understand; it's more than just the fact that I've been abandoned. I rough push, a loud pop and a painful rip later, I'm reduced to a screaming, bawling hysteria; no longer a human being, just a mass of soiled existence.

Tousan really wouldn't want me now and kaasan probably couldn't ever love me anymore. If they kill me now it would be meaningless. I have no hope left; I think it seeped out my peepee…

Within minutes, they put me out of my misery. Under ten years old, and I'm dead.

__

And all I've ever wanted

Was just to see how it would be

"Mamoru-niisan!"

"Nani, nani, imouto?"

"I need help with my homework."

My imouto is my pride and joy. I try to love all of my siblings equally, but because she's obviously picked me as her favorite, she becomes special. I'd do anything for her.

"Mamoru! Mamoru! Please teach us how to play soccer!"

"Mamoru! Taniko-imouto fell! Please come help me!"

"Mamoru, can I learn how to do that too?"

"Mamoru-niisan! I love you!"

"Dinner time! Children!"

I have a large family. It had been my parents and I only for a long time, but recently they decided to start having children of their own. Yes, of their own; you see I'm adopted. But I'm no less loved. I think sometimes that they waited to have their own kids so that I wouldn't think they loved the others more. They're really wonderful, thoughtful, loving parents to me and to us all.

My parents adopted me when I was about ten. I'd been found half-dead and with amnesia before being set up for adoption. Most prospective parents were too afraid of my baggage, but finally my parents took me in. I owe my whole normal existence to them. They tell me they owe a whole lot of happiness to me when I say that. I don't dwell on my less-than-wonderful beginnings all that often though.

I'm an A student in high school with high honors and the great potential of going on to do amazing things. I love computers and want to study technology in college. I play soccer and I'm pretty good at it. I enjoy tutoring my siblings in all things academic and in sports. Some people call me a great example of normal life done right.

Girls follow me everywhere but I find no interest in dating them. I've been starting to question my sexuality. What I find might destroy my 'normal life done right' status, but I don't believe in perfectly normal or perfectly right. I'm human just like everybody else and I'm not so shallow as to follow along when I could do better on my own judgement. My parents didn't raise a dummy; I think for myself.

So life goes. The phone rings.

"Mamoru-kun! Guess what!"

"I give up, Aya-chan. What?"

"You're no fun, but I'll tell you anyway. I heard there will be professionals attending your game tonight."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously! Locals from J-League!"

"Sugoi!"

"Hai! Hai! I'd love to meet Hidaka-sama!"

"So stay by me tonight. Maybe I can introduce you."

"Really?"

"Of course. Besides, what would be so different tonight than any other night? You're my best friend, you'd be with me anyway."

"Arigato Mamoru-kun!"

Sure enough some professionals from the J-League show up at my game. They'd heard we were good. My whole team is ecstatic and we try our absolute hardest for them. I keep Aya-chan closer to me that usual and that makes me happier in general; she always comes to my games but tends to get lost in the crowds.

Again sure enough, the J-Leaguers come over to meet us all afterward. We'd won the game, of course, and we bask in all the compliments we receive. More than just for Aya-chan's sake I feel drawn to Hidaka. He doesn't seem to mind, as a matter of fact I'd swear he's taken a liking to me too. I almost forget Aya-chan in the background. Almost.

"Hidaka-san?"

"Call me Ken."

"Aa-arigato gozaimasu!"

"Hahaha!"

"Ken, I'd like you to meet my best friend, Fujimiya Aya."

"Konbonwa, Hidaka-sama."

"..! Hahahaha!"

Ken hugs Aya-chan after a brief moment of surprise and flustered laughter. I'd already started to figure out how he thinks. He laughs most when he's caught off guard or nervous and he gets nervous when people show him unnatural deference. Ken's very open and sociable, and he's humble in the way that he's totally famous but doesn't seem to realize it.

He's perfect, everything I admire. …Oh dear gods! It's official; I'm gay. And I like Hidaka Ken, an older, professional, **famous jock**. …And my best friend is fawning all over him, not that it matters in the end because nothing is ever going to happen between Ken and either one of us, but I feel the jealousy threatening to take shape.

Aya-chan's brother, Ran-kun, suddenly appears and motions to her from the sidelines. I guess she needs to go home now for some reason. She bows low to Ken and thanks him for his time. She points out her brother enthusiastically before pecking my cheek goodbye. I feel a little guilty at how perfect I think the timing of it all really is.

The other J-Leaguers decide that its time to leave. I start to say goodbye to Ken, hoping that if I make it as short and sweet as possible I'll be able to leave without acknowledging the tightness in my chest. Ken leans over and my heart stops at the feel of his hot breath in my ear. 

"Do you need to leave yet, Mamoru?"

"No…"

"Can you meet me at the flower shop down the street in ten minutes?"

"The Koneko, across the street from the coffee shop?"

"Hai."

"Oo-okay."

I head directly for the Koneko, a flower shop run by Ran-kun and a friend of his, Youji-kun, who I'm sure is on duty now since Ran-kun is with Aya-chan. Youji-kun greets me happily as a familiar, not a customer.

"Konbonwa, Mamoru! What's up? Y'know, Ran's not here right now."

"I know, he's with Aya-chan. I'm meeting someone here. So how are you?"

"Fine. Who are you meeting? Is it a **date**?"

"I wish…"

I instantly regret saying that so nonchalantly, even though I mean it. I situate myself in front of a freesia display to alleviate some of my rising misery. The door opens and Ken walks in.

"Irashaimase!"

"Konbonwa… Mamoru, oi!"

"Ken!"

Ken joins me by the freesia. Youji-kun is staring at us. It's ironic that the first to know my secret is Youji-kun, ne?

"Thanks for coming."

"Of course, but… what for?"

"I didn't feel like stopping talking to you yet."

"Really?"

"Hai. I like you a lot, Mamoru. I think you're really cool."

"I like you too, Ken-kun! You're such a real person…"

"I'm glad **you** feel that way, Mamoru …"

"Ken-kun?"

"…You like freesia?"

"H-hai. My favorite."

"Mm. You see those over there?"  
"The gentian?"

"Hai… You sure know a lot about flowers."

"Aya-chan's brother works here."

"Ah. Well, gentian are my favorite."

I walk over to the gentian display to get a higher appreciation for myself of the flower. I think that Ken follows me over, but after a moment of standing alone I turn to look at him. He holds out a newly purchased, small bouquet of freesia to me with an adoring smile on his face.

"For you, Mamoru."

"Ken-kun!"

"Come on."

"Oo-"

Ken-kun takes my arm gently and lead me across the street to the coffee shop. We sit down and begin to converse. I get it now, I think, but I'm having a hard time believing it: Ken-kun's hitting on me!

Although we both eventually have to leave we promise to keep seeing each other. I can't bring myself to leave without **knowing** the truth. I muster up enough courage as well as the wit needed to cover up any mistake I might be making.

"If I didn't know better, Ken-kun, I'd say you've been hitting on me."

"Why do you say you know better? Do you really?"

"Iie, I guess I don't. So tell me, **are** you hitting on me?"

"Hai, I am. You haven't seemed to mind."

"That's because I don't mind. I'm rather enjoying it."

"Oh, well if you're **enjoying** it, I shouldn't stop for **any** reason…"

"It depends on what you'd do instead. You never know what else I might like."

"You think you'd enjoy a… relationship?"

"Hai."

Those were all serious understatements on my part. My voice somehow managed to have kept its cool, but my face is now beaming with feverish gratification. I do believe I've gotten my first boyfriend, hooked on my first day of officially being gay. Lucky!

The farewell kiss holds the taste of promise for another day of hello. I notice that he even smells like gentian when I'm in his arms, a fact that I can get used to **very** quickly. This is only the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

__

One small choice

We break apart for air after what seems like forever. Drowning in his saliva, the wetness and the fire of his kiss leave me so weak. If he were to let me go now, I'd surely slip down to the floor. But Ken-kun shows no sign of letting go. His embrace is so tight, pressing my small body firmly against his muscled chest, his tight stomach.

"I love you Omi."

"I love you too Ken-kun."

We continue kissing until he decides to break away to plant little kisses along my jaw and down my neck. His lips dance across my collarbone and I can't help but let out a low throaty noise.

My knees finally give out completely due to this long-wanted attention. The awkward hold Ken-kun has me in, in order to gain access to my lower neck areas, allows me the ability to have my upper body pitch backward as my legs extend forward. I begin to sink toward the floor, but Ken-kun kneels down with my fall and catches me in a new embrace, his face looming just above my stomach. He nuzzles and kisses the skin exposed by my brown stringed tank-top. It's all too much for me as my love for him and the pleasure he's giving me begin to stir a brew in my lower half.

I don't have control of my vocal chords anymore; I traded them in the struggle to keep my sexual desire in check. I half-wish for Ken-kun to take my vocalizations as a cue to stop as this pleasure is bordering on dangerous and half-wish for him to realize my loving desire and make sweet love to me here and now. It takes all my will not to thrust my hips into his chest.

"Ken- Ken-kun! Ooh..!"

"I love you so much Omi. I have for so long…"

"I… love you too-oh! Ken-kun… I'd… mmm… been so scared…"

"I'd been so stupid. I could have tried harder to assure you."

"I've been stupid too."

"But not anymore."

Ken takes me completely in his arms again. I press my cheek against his shoulder; my forehead feels cool against his neck. We breathe together. This is so surreal. My dreams have come true. I can only pray I don't wake up.

__

Sometimes

I wonder what it's like to fly

America! Sugoi! This is the coolest school trip ever! I'm so happy tousan and kaasan decided to let me come. Three whole weeks with my friends and classmates and the coolest teachers in the school only, travelling across America to see all that we possibly can before having to go home, is simply incredible.

"Oi, Omittchi. Look at this."

The newspaper my friend has is offering an article about a recent series of horrible crimes being committed in the local area. The suspects' faces are printed in the paper as well.

"Isn't that awful, Omi-kun?"

"Hai, it is."

"I'm scared. Those guys are still out and about."

"We'll just have to be extra careful, ne, Omittchi? There really isn't anything else **we can** do."

"Hai. We can't do anything more than take care of ourselves. If you're frightened, Mika-san, you can stay near us. There's safety in numbers after all. But hopefully nothing will happen to us."

"Arigato Omi-kun!"

"Hai."

"No problem, Mika-chan."

__

So easy

One small choice could end my life

Stupid move! What was I thinking?

And then I feel it, a bullet connects with my body and enters my back, exits my chest. It's severed my spine. I crash down to the ground, bleeding profusely, my lower half completely numb.

"OMI!"

"Ken-kun! Youji-kun! Aya-kun! Hayaku! Hayaku! Get out of here!"

Of course they don't listen to me. They each get shot down. I watch them all die in front of my very eyes. I'd rush to their sides if only I could… Ken-kun. I love you. Don't die…

"NO!"

My friends, the closest thing I have to a family, gone. Killed at my expense. They did if for **me**. They're all so… stupid.

Ken-kun…

I'm dying too, but that seems to be so irrelevant. It's my fateful punishment to have to remain alive and mourn them; it's my fault after all. My jackets are soaking up all of my draining blood. I feel the pools of warm liquid forming underneath me as well as on my back. The pools keep getting larger, and I keep getting tireder. 

See that, my grammar isn't even comprehendible anymore.

Aya-kun, you had something to live for. Why did you turn back? What will happen to Aya-chan now? This guilt of tearing you away from her pierces me deeply. I can see your eyes now, Aya-kun, staring at me from the sky, cursing me, no, outright damming me, a Takatori who showed his true colors in the end and became the ultimate source of your demise. You should have killed me sooner, Aya-kun, so that you could have lived.

Youji-kun, I'm sorry. I've betrayed your trust and lost your high opinion of me. I was never worthy of working with you, the perfect example of a hunter of night. You came with ability, with background, and with baggage whereas I had no experience, no clue, and no past to speak of. Still you took care of me and made me who I am today. If you'd lived, you would have been able to bury your past and find love again someday, I'm sure of it. You certainly had more potential in life than I did.

Ken-kun… oh Ken-kun, only now can you see pathetic little me for what I truly am. I've been obsessing over you and yearning for your love for so long. How ironic that I cause your fall. It **is** fate, I'm sure. If I hadn't severed our ties one way I would have in another. I'm so disgusting, can't you see that? The boy you befriended has used you in vain, dreamed about your affections and thrown your life away. You sure can pick your friends, Ken-kun. Laugh at me as I join Kase in hell.

__

I'd take

A second chance to make things right

Just one small choice

Youji-kun's words have been affecting me severely. Admittedly I was depressed by what he had to say to me at first, and I started having very depressing dreams in response to how I was feeling. But after some heavy thinking, I've come to understand that Youji-kun is right. Since realizing that, I've been working on devising a plan to express myself to Ken-kun. 

In my distraction with the real world, I've been experiencing different kinds of dreams. My wishes for living other lives have been clipped to haphazard, short snippets of dreams usually involving a blossoming relationship with Ken-kun and/or a great deal of deference to Youji-kun. Some, however, have not been quite as pleasant. But overall, I haven't been paying much attention to these dreams; like I said, I can't 'pay mind' to them if I'm 'saving up' for Ken-kun.

__

And what if I had never decided this?

Aya-kun and Youji-kun have been quietly egging me on in hopes of me making a move on Ken-kun soon. I suppose they sense my building confidence. And yes, I did say that Aya-kun's in on this. I could have killed Youji-kun when I found out he'd gotten Aya-kun involved; he said he only told Aya-kun because it was a situation that could disrupt Weiss for better or worse. Between that lame excuse and Aya-kun's smug agreeing with him how could I get really mad? Seeing Aya-kun so amused, even at my expense, was worth it. He's actually been a decent help in his own way.

"Youji."

"Oi, Aya?"

"I need your help. The shop needs more supplies. Come with me."

"Again, Aya? Jeez… how much fertilizer are you using man? This is the third time this week."

"A lot. Our sales have been up lately, not that you'd realize that with your record for sales."

"Hey!"

"Come on."

…In his own way. Indeed this is the third time this week, on top of several times last week, that Aya-kun has dragged Youji-kun away for errands to leave me and Ken-kun alone. I don't miss the fact that Youji-kun's complaining is actually directed at me and not Aya-kun. But I can't help how flustered I get around Ken-kun. I said my confidence was building, but it wasn't exactly that high yet.

I have to do this sometime though. Aya-kun and Youji-kun are waiting for it. They think I have nothing to lose and all to gain. They believe in a relationship between Ken-kun and I, even without the definite knowledge of his sexuality. The pressure is on for me to get my rear in gear. With a deep breath, here I go… 

__

Would I be here?

Or be gone?

Ken-kun pulls down the metal gate to close the shop. Even in that simple motion, my breath catches in my throat just watching him. With a heavy magnitude I realize that my long-repressed love for him as a person has grown over time to something **much** more physical. Oh gods…

I guess I had to accept puberty at some point in my life. (Whether my voice ever decides to follow suit is another thing entirely.) I chuckle quietly despite myself.

"Hahahaha-"

"Omi?"

"-ha. Oo."

"Heheheh. What's so funny?"  
"Nothing really. I'm just nervous."

"Nervous?"

"Hai. Nervous."

Amazing, I know, but I feel totally calm.

"How come?"

"Ken-kun?"

"Ne?"

"I want to tell you something. I've been hiding it for a few years now, but I can't do that anymore." Please don't hate me… "I love you."

Please, please don't hate me. And if you must kill me, Ken-kun, do it quickly. I'll even close my eyes to make it less painful. That will be my second selfish act of the day.

__

And all I've ever wanted

Was just to see how it would be

One small choice

Ken-kun picks me up by the waist and spins me around the shop. Youji-kun and Aya-kun exchange exasperated glances, but Ken-kun doesn't care. And neither do I. He puts me down, kissing my nose lightly before going back to water the flowers in the window. This is the normal routine when I come home from school; it's a normal day at the Koneko.

We, Ken-kun, Youji-kun, Aya-kun, and I have been living together for several years now. It started when I, an orphan, was taken in by Youji-kun. He was a lonely ex-detective who was just starting a flower shop in his dead partner's memory. He took care of me and enrolled me in school. All he asked me in return was an hour of measly work in the shop.

Youji-kun and I remained that way for awhile; the only major differences being a periodical raising of my responsibilities (and pay) in the shop as I got older. But later on, Ken-kun would begin rooming with us. He came to us after a set up collapsed his soccer career and after being attacked by some odd men who put him into hiding. Youji-kun opened the doors for Ken-kun the way he had for me. Finally, Aya-kun came to live with us as well after a freak accident left him homeless and without a family.

The four of us make a quirky new family that we all appreciate. We love each other lots – though some more than others, I'll hint; Ken-kun and I have been in a romantic relationship for several months now.

"What's that sour look for, Youji?"

"It's the same damn look I give you everyday, Ken. Get a clue."

"Jealous, Youji-kun?"

"Whatever does Youji have to jealous about? He has the telephone numbers of every woman who's shopped here in the past six months or more."

"Aya!"

Ken-kun and I laugh hysterically at Youji-kun's attempt to act defensive to Aya-kun's simple (and true) statement. Aya just barely smiles, adding a smugness to his usually blah expression. It's nice to see him start to get more playful with us; his trauma's kept him awfully detached up to now.

Ken-kun pulls me into a happy embrace, cuddling me ever so endearingly. He's still snickering, as am I. I quiet momentarily and lean back into his body. There is no greater bliss than this: my friends, my family, my Ken-kun.

__

Need it

I wait for the explosive outburst from Ken-kun. The disgust, the distaste, the absolute horror all in reaction to my confession of simple love and devotion. It isn't coming very fast…

I open my eyes to see Ken-kun watching me with an adoring face.

__

Feed it

I wait for the explosive outburst from Ken-kun. The disgust, the distaste, the absolute horror all in reaction to my confession of simple love and devotion. But what I get is not what I expect.

"I love you too, Omittchi."

__

Can't re-seed it

(Why?)

I wait for the explosive outburst from Ken-kun. The disgust, the distaste, the absolute horror all in reaction to my confession of simple love and devotion. My wait isn't very long, sadly. A stinging slap across my face forces my eyes open to face my reality. Ken-kun's eyes are burning in hatred… at **me**.

"How could you? That's so disgusting."

"Gomen ne, Ken-kun."

"Uuh. Fucking queer, stay away from me. I wanna try to stay as normal as I much as I possibly can."

"Gomen ne…"

The door bangs shut. I hear it but I can't see it through my tears.

__

Need it

I wait for the explosive outburst from Ken-kun. I feel his hands on my shoulders. Oh gods, I'm done for! The disgust, the distaste, the absolute horror all in reaction to my confession of simple love and devotion is about to rain sulfur from the sky. His lips are suddenly feverishly pressing against my own.

Nani? Is he… **kissing** me?

__

Feed it

I wait for the explosive outburst from Ken-kun. The disgust, the distaste, the absolute horror all in reaction to my confession of simple love and devotion. It isn't coming very fast…

I open my eyes to see Ken-kun looking at me quizzically. I begin to fidget.

"Gomen ne, Ken-kun."

"No, don't be sorry. I-I'm sorry. I… guess I just don't understand. Come again?"

"I love you. I've **been **in love with you. I can't hide it from you anymore, even if I'm absolutely petrified of what you're gonna do to me now."

"**Do **to you? Oh, Omittchi, don't be scared of me. Don't look so upset either. Let's go upstairs. We can talk about it, okay?"

"You're not… mad at me?"

"Of course not Omittchi. C'mon."

__

Can't re-seed it

I wait for the explosive outburst from Ken-kun. The door slams. I breathe.

Well that could have gone better, but it could have been much worse too. Maybe if I let Ken-kun take some time to think about it all we can calmly discuss it later.

He comes stomping back into the shop, glowering at me with hateful eyes. Uh oh… I take a bugnuk to the chest and collapse to the floor, dead – killed by the very hand of the man I called my beloved.

__

Why?

My hands clench around the thick neck of my most despised father, Reiji Takatori. He's on his knees before me, begging for mercy. Mercy? He has no concept of it. For this man's lack of mercy I could have been raped, tortured, and murdered by kidnappers. I could have committed suicide in his name millions of times. For his benefit I could have been corrupted to the point of murdering my own friends. Despite him I could have been normal. Because of him I am an assassin, a hunter of night. Unlike him I am justified.

I could have been a millions things, better or worse than what I've become. All of my lives come back to this man and the decisions he made, most of which I'll never understand how or why, and I don't really care to anymore. I've wasted so much time for his sake. Now **he'll** waste **his** time, his whole remaining lifetime, for **my** sake, so that I can sleep at night. So that I can forget what could have, would have, and should have and accept what is. I squeeze harder and his eyes begin to bulge within their sockets.

"Arigato, tousan. For everything you've done and failed to do for me, to make me who I am. …Oyasumi."

__

What if I had never decided this?

I wait for the explosive outburst from Ken-kun. The disgust, the distaste, the absolute horror all in reaction to my confession of simple love and devotion.

"I know."

…I will kill Youji-kun and attempt to kill Aya-kun (and probably die trying) if they had **anything** to do with this.

"Nani?"

"I said, I know. You've had a thing for me for awhile now. Y'know at first I thought it was a phase that wouldn't last, but I've been getting the sense lately that it's more than just an infatuation. I'm glad you told me. I was afraid you'd try to deny it to yourself for 'society's' benefit, or worse for the team."

I gawk. That's too much information for my love-struck mind to handle. He knew? He knew all along? He was glad I told him? He was afraid for my sake? Worse would be hiding for the team? Ken scratches his head in a nervous gesture.

"Y'know, I didn't want to say anything to influence you because I wanted you to be able to sort it all out for yourself. Coming to terms with yourself can be pretty rough."

"You sound like… you've done it. Ken-kun, are you-"

"After a chance encounter caused a second identity adjustment, I consider myself bi, but yeah, I am."

Level one relief: secured.

"And another thing, Omi?"

"Mmm?"

"I've been thinking about this for awhile now and… I love you too."

Level six relief: secured! Oh gods!

"Ken-kun…"

He grins at me in that innocent way he has of being totally charming and winning without meaning to be. A total oxymoron is my Ken-kun, real and imagined, in every way. I love him.

"I love you…"

"I love you too Omittchi."

__

Would I be here?

Or be gone?

I snuggle into Ken-kun's side. We've been contenting ourselves with watching sappy movies in his room. Most of the contentment (for me at least) has come from ignoring the movie and taking in his warmth as well as my surroundings; the covers on his bed are so soft.

"You paying any attention to the movie, Omi?"

"…"

"I'll take the sudden flash of heat against my arm as a no."

"…"

"You don't have to be so embarrassed. I'm not exactly paying attention either."

Ken-kun shuts the television off and turns to me, cupping my face and bringing my nose up to meet his. His turquoise eyes practically glow in the semidarkness. My lips quiver as he runs his thumb across them. I want him to kiss me so badly, but he seems pleased to keep teasing me senseless. His eyes shine love and I snap under the pressure of it all - I kiss the taunting pad. He grins at me before leaning closer. His mouth is gentle on mine. Amazing, I feel as if I can taste love in his kiss. This all seems so impossible; I'm bound to wake up like I always do after the first kiss.

His hands softly trace my arms, shoulders, back, and finally my neck. A little pressure on the back of my neck causes a sudden burst of pleasing colors before my eyes, with Ken-kun in the midst of them; my first experience with real sexual pleasure. (Ah, the things teenage assassins are denied.) I grip his shirt in reflex and allow myself to succumb to everything, the unspoken promises in Ken-kun's kiss.

__

And all I've ever wanted

Was just to see how it would be

We break apart for air after what seems like forever. Drowning in his saliva, the wetness and the fire of his kiss leave me so weak. If he were to let me go now, I'd surely slip down to the floor. But Ken-kun shows no sign of letting go. His embrace is so tight, pressing my small body firmly against his muscled chest, his tight stomach.

"I love you Omi."

"I love you too Ken-kun."

We continue kissing until he decides to break away to plant little kisses along my jaw and down my neck. His lips dance across my collarbone and I can't help but let out a low throaty noise.

My knees finally give out completely due to this long-wanted attention. The awkward hold Ken-kun has me in, in order to gain access to my lower neck areas, allows me the ability to have my upper body pitch backward as my legs extend forward. I begin to sink toward the floor, but Ken-kun kneels down with my fall and catches me in a new embrace, his face looming just above my stomach. He nuzzles and kisses the skin exposed by my brown stringed tank-top. It's all too much for me as my love for him and the pleasure he's giving me begin to stir a brew in my lower half.

I don't have control of my vocal chords anymore; I traded them in the struggle to keep my sexual desire in check. I half-wish for Ken-kun to take my vocalizations as a cue to stop as this pleasure is bordering on dangerous and half-wish for him to realize my loving desire and make sweet love to me here and now. It takes all my will not to thrust my hips into his chest.

"Ken- Ken-kun! Ooh..!"

"I love you so much Omi. I have for so long…"

"I… love you too-oh! Ken-kun… I'd… mmm… been so scared…"

"I'd been so stupid. I could have tried harder to assure you."

"I've been stupid too."

"But not anymore."

Ken takes me completely in his arms again. I press my cheek against his shoulder; my forehead feels cool against his neck. We breathe together. This is so surreal. My dreams have come true. I can only pray I don't wake up.

__

One small choice

"You're shaking Omi."

"I'm scared."

"What for?"

"I'm afraid I'll wake up and this will all be some dream like I **always** do."

"You've dreamed about me?"

"You could say that…"

"I've dreamed about you too."

"Ken-kun…"

"I feel like I've loved you a million years, like I've had you here in my room with me millions of times, because in my mind I have."

"How… far have we gone?"

"I won't lie to you. I've dreamed of making love to you right here, all night long."

"Oh, I wish that hadn't been just a dream…"

"Omi..?"

Okay, that may have been going a bit far. But really, I've been crazy for Ken-kun for a long time. I've wanted to be with him for so long. I actually spent all these years worshipping him without having any really graphic sexual fantasies, only his companionship. I'm not totally stupid, I know it's fast. Maybe my barely hidden erection has something to do with it, but probably not. I love him. What else is there to it that really matters? We don't exactly live normal lives anyway.

Ken-kun squeezes me tight and then proceeds to cuddle me sweetly. He coos soft 'I love yous' into my ear and kisses my temple, as well as my hair. At this point, even the most innocent of touches are pooling in my groin. I **have** to do something about this.

"Ken-kun, I'm sorry. Either stop or take me completely because I'm not used to this. I can't take this."

"Omi… oh my Omi, so sweet and so deprived…"

Ken-kun still proceeds to cuddle me, albeit gentler than before. He's whispering sorrowful nothings and more sweet 'I love yous.' Tears well up in my eyes because he's right. Any loving affection, to me, is a totally unheard of concept. I cry into his comforting body.

"I'll love you, if you really want me to Omi."

"You've made all my dreams come true. The least I can do now is make yours come true too."

"Omi… I love you."

"Then show me so, because no one else has ever dared to… I love you too Ken."

__

And all I've ever wanted

Was just to see how it would be

Ken softly pushes me backwards onto his bed. The covers I'd been admiring all night caress my skin as I sink into them, so very, very soft. Indeed, it will take all of this, this extended moment, this heated night, to make my crazy mind fully understand that **this is no dream**. He lays himself atop me and wraps himself around me… perfection.

So many sensations all at once leave me reeling. I struggle to take it all in; I don't want to miss one airy touch from my beloved or take for granted a single randomly placed kiss. I want to make sure I keep these memories for a lifetime. Maybe I'll write them down later; I resolve to account this night in a written journal tomorrow morning. Call it erotic posterity if you'd like, but to me its just like the story of my birth. This is the beginning of my life. It's something I've been dreaming about for a long time after all.

A sudden discarding of his shirt shifts my focus to Ken's body, so sexy, so muscular… so burned. I gently trace my hands over his torso.

"Ken-kun…"

"Hheeh, Omi."

"I…"

"They're from a long time ago. Don't look so scared; they don't hurt anymore."

"They **do** hurt. I can see it in your eyes now, Ken."

"…They won't hurt tomorrow, Omi."

"How can that be?"

"Omi… you see, I died back when Kase set me up and the old building I was in was set on fire while I was out of it. I really physically died. It was those damned Kritiker people who saved my body and revived me, so they could use me…"

"Ken."

"I've been bitter about that, but tomorrow I won't be anymore. I'll have a new reason to live."

"**Me**?"

"Hai."

Before I can say another word, Ken's mouth is against my own, his hands are sensually massaging my hips while keeping me pinned to his bed. I feel every pleasuring touch, down to his hair brushing against my face, between my legs. It's heaven.

We cooperate in getting the rest of our clothes off. I sadistically delight in his initial inability to untie the strings in my top. When the final article of obtrusive clothing has been tossed aside, Ken slowly lowers himself onto me again only this time… oh the sensations… Ken…

"Ken…!"

"Ooooh, Omittchi, oooooh. I love you…"

I'm surprised by how breathless my Ken is. Is it really **me** doing that to him? 'They won't hurt tomorrow. – I'll have a new reason to live.' It really **is** me doing that to him! We're so in love, he loves me so and I can tell.

Ken's breath in my ear radiates heat through my whole body. I touch him, making extra special effort to place my hands on every inch of his scarred but still beautiful skin. I try to linger long enough on each place to extract a gasp, whisper, or moan from my love. I'll make sure **he** remembers this night too. We'll be able to talk about it years from now, in detail; I'll show him my book then, when we're old and still fully in love with each other – or I'll make sure that he at least holds possession of it when I'm dead and gone, so that he'll **know** just how much he means to me now, and will have meant to me all these years.

His hardness against mine, pressing, grinding, over and over makes me want to cry. I want to keep caressing him, but can't even think enough to barely breathe. My voice is thick when I rasp out his name; he's screaming out mine in a frenzied passion right next my ear and it makes me so happy to understand he feels this way. I love him.

"I love you…"

"Omi! Ooh, Omi! OMI!"

My eyes widen as a hot liquid pours violently down over my thighs, among other relatively close and highly sensitive parts. I shout out when the realization of what just happened to Ken mixes with my existing pleasure and tosses me over my own edge. Twice drenched in hot semen and blinded completely by afterglow, I breathe for the first time in what seems like hours and pause to take in every tingling joint's individual glee.

Ken rolls us both, rather gracefully actually, so that I'm laying on him now. I press down on my beloved, playfully smearing him with the thick, cooling liquid. I grin down at him with a loving warmth as he gazes at me half-lidded and looking rather blissful. 

__

One small choice

"How long can we spend time like this, Ken?"

"We can do this forever."


End file.
